Glory Ho

Last Monday morning when I turned up for work, I found a small souvenir spoon, with “Transylvania” written on it, sitting on my desk. It was a small gift left for me from my colleague, Milena, who had just returned from Romania. It was a thoughtful gesture.

This particular gift left me uneasy, however. The little spoon bore the likeness of Transylvania’s most famous resident, Vlad Dracula. Everyone knows who fictional Count Dracula is. He is the immortal vampire who must drink human blood in order to remain devilishly un-dead. The fictional character inspired by the real Count Dracula is one of the most enduring villains of all time.

Considering this, it is remarkable that the real Dracula (I’ll all him Vlad) was vastly more evil than the fictional character he inspired. The story book Dracula merely punctured the throats of his victims, glugged down some blood, and slipped away into the night. It’s not polite behavior, but in relative terms, it’s no where near the top of the evil list. In fact, when you consider that Dracula must feed in order to remain immortal, it’s even possible to sympathize with the guy. What would you do?

On the other hand, the real Dracula, often know as Vlad “Tepes”, was one of the most merciless, cruel and demented tyrants the world has ever known. He was a clever sociopath who had the power to carry out his most violent fantasies on a large scale. The fact that his nickname, “Tepes”, means “The Impaler” gives you a clue to his temperament. This guy was so disgusting that I cannot bring myself to describe his deeds here. Suffice to say he took glee in causing the long, slow, agonizing death of thousands of people. He was Evil, Evil, Evil. If you must know more, read for yourself, although I DON’T recommend it:
http://www.donlinke.com/drakula/vlad.htm#Atrocities.

So the little spoon with Vlad’s face on it stared at me for most of the day, until I had the sense to turn it upside down. This wasn’t a superstitious gesture; I was irked that such a dreadful person had won his immortality. Furthermore, finding his face on something as trivial as a porcelain souvenir spoon left me the impression that Vlad had been forgiven.

When I thanked my colleague, Milena, for the small gift, I told her Vlad was a son-of-a-bitch. To my surprise, she disagreed. What I didn’t realize was that Dracula is a pseudo-hero in the Eastern Balkans because of his savage resistance against Ottoman domination in the 15th century. Even though he also tormented his own people, he was one of the last Balkan leaders to maintain some level of independence, before the Turks overwhelmed and occupied Central and Eastern Europe – an insult which the Bulgarians suffered for more than 500 years.

It occurred to me that Bulgarians and Romanians, paying homage Vlad Dracula is like Italians celebrating Columbus Day. Both men were excessively cruel, yet they both achieved lasting admiration for legitimate accomplishments. Conceding that I might be being hypocritical, I turned the spoon back over again, and took another look at Vlad Tepes Dracula. I took him home that evening to decide what to do with him.

Must our heroes be good people? The King of Pop Michael Jackson is totally dysfunctional. Famous pilot Charles Lindberg was a Nazi sympathizer. Actor and athlete OJ Simpson was a wonderful man, except for that one little incident.

Hmmmmm….

Without further hesitation, I put the porcelain spoon on the counter top, and smashed Vlad Tepes Dracula into tiny bits with a hammer.

Sorry Milena, but this guy’s a son-of-a-bitch.