Glory Ho

I’m thinking that although we’re not going through what I’ve now termed
“glamorous suffering,”–the living that eventually spawns
fetch-a-pail-with-water, run-from-a-horned-animal-sort of stories–we are
in fact, engaged in our own brand of miserable living. With no control
over when we we eat, what we eat, when we shower with hot water, etc, it’s about time to vent. I have over 120 mosquito (yes i counted) or flea bites on my body, some blistered and full of liquid, some scabbed and old, some simple lumps–in any case, itchy, unattractive and nonpreventable. Michael and I are living apart. All food we eat, while good, is lukewarm orcold–and there is no place to “be warm” as every place you go isfreezing–my entire house, school, cafes, library. Except Michaels’ room,which has a wood-burning stove. (this is very cool and makes us feelprimitive!) The washer bleeds colors on all my clothing (ruined my red tank and my favorite green pants) and drying clothing is now a three day process since fall has set in. Michael and I are not living together. Ihave one drawer and one shelf for all 100 pounds of my stuff. The language is getting tougher, too. It’s so tough to relax when everyone at the table is speaking Bulgarian. Last week I had my first Long Duck Dong moment. I’m not kidding. You know when he’s at the table and he says “hyena” instead of “hernia”? And he asked how to spell quiche? And they all laugh at him? Yes, well I am Long Duck Dong in this scenario. I actually thought of this scene as my feelings wilted and my face likely flushed. This moment was no different than loads of others. And no, the Bulgarians weren’t being as mean as Mike, Sam’s sister, in Sixteen Candles. But still. Perhaps this sort of mild suffering–the unobvious kind, the type that inflicts you mercilessly, but expects you to otherwise live a normal, busy life–is just as tough as the Peace Corps river-digging commercial of the 80s. And, in truth, this is why we came.

Right now everything is being challenged. My opinions about humanity, my
pride in the U.S., my curiosity about the rest of the world, my own
self-image, everything. That’s all for now.