I now have some leisure time to take on some self improvement activities, compared to my life in the States where I always struggled just to commute, get my work done, eat, sleep and exercise. We’ve decided not to have a television in Bulgaria, (see Andrea’s blog “Screen Swap”) which adds to my Peace Corps “time dividend” which I typically spend reading, biking and cooking. Not bad activities, but not the kind which will really evolve me as a person.
I’ve recently realized that “creation” is a critical activity towards self actualization and its conspicuously missing in my life. Taking up a musical instrument, or emulating my better half by blogging more frequently are my most logical opening moves.
A thought surprised me the other day – essentially I write for a living now. Grant proposals, an annual report, short news articles. However I don’t think of myself as a writer, I suppose because I’m not articulating anything that’s authentic for me. I am capable, but I’m documenting someone else’s story. I’m putting words into articulate combinations but it doesn’t feel like creation and it doesn’t make me feel like a writer.
My lovely wife Andrea is doing lots of excellent writing. She’s honing her craft and I’m very proud of her. Because of her success, I subconsciously have been avoiding any writing of my own. But now that I’ve put that thought on “paper”, I realize how unnecessary this avoidance is (the tendency for writing to bring about revelations is reason enough to do it). My writing will never be like Andrea’s because I’m not Andrea. What makes her writing interesting is that her personality shines through it. As I develop as a writer I would hope to infuse my writing with my personality, which is all my own.
Why do we feel compelled to blog, rather than just journal? Choosing the former can stifle creativity. It’s like having “stage fright” when trying to piss in public. It’s hard to let ideas flow freely when other people are listening. Can I say “piss” in my blog? How much of yourself can you actually reveal in blogs? The whole medium may be exhibitionist, narcissistic or both, but the “publicness” of blogs makes the act seem more like genuine creation – which is my point in the first place.
So I’m going to try and spontaneously blog again, because creation is good for me. I’ll remind myself that “creation” doesn’t automatically mean “art”, and it doesn’t have to. Those crappy clay ash trays I made in middle school served their purpose, which had nothing to do with smoking. The process of creation for its own sake is cathartic and constructive, even if the final product isn’t worth much.
See ya around,
Boudreaux
