Archive for the 'GoodTimes' Category

DONE

I am depleted. I don’t know how to address the next room or meal or shower or person or bus or price. I am tired. Of my hairy legs and bug bites and greasy hair. Of dust. Of crazy drivers. Of the children at the window. Of rearranging my backpack. Of conserving toothpaste and treating water and feeling the plastic malaria pill on my tongue. Of all these bug bites—it doesn’t matter what I wear or what I spray or how secure my mosquito net is, my body is a buffet. I am tired of the exhaustive communication. Nobody understands what I want for breakfast. Nobody brings the right thing. I just want to sit down to pee. To wear clean clothes. To have electricity every hour of the day.

When you see a brightly-clad woman with a baby on her back and a bush of plantains on her head walking down the road and it doesn’t fascinate you anymore, you know you’re done.

But our ambition is having a hard time letting go.

I mean, if you’re given your favorite kind of pie (Grandma’s cherry, in my case) and told you can’t have it again for another three years, should you take piece after piece until it makes you sick? Just because you won’t get to have it for a whole ‘nother year?

No. And so you see, it’s time to go home. No matter when we get to have cherry pie again—in two years or twenty—we have had enough.

Africa Just Is

Painting for SoftPower in Jinja

The soft spongey skin beneath my nails are rimmed with blue paint and there is a spot above my breast, too. It’s from today. We painted a pit latrine at a school for orphans as volunteers for SoftPower Education. It will not be the last bit of blue to stain my body. I felt brighter. Like I belonged a little more to this continent.

Ah, this continent. It’s probably like having a baby. When it happens to you, no matter how much you’ve read, it feels like its never happened quite like this to anyone else on the planet. These people embody the nostalgia of nursery rhymes as they head up the hill to fetch a pail of water. They move like a prayer, soft and slowly down the most natural lanes of life.

Do you have Coke in America? They ask.

What about cows? Stars?

And with these questions, my understanding of their edges gets a little deeper. The turtle dove is coo-cooing and the women are laboring and the men are idle. The babies are naked and the toddlers are snotty (literally) and the children’s faces are filled with bits of sugarcane. Their pleated skirts and pointy collars and school-issue sweaters try so hard to be proper, but it’s no use. Missing zippers, frayed at their edges. . .

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The water is angry and swirling from the splash of the sky, the shoebills are out for a bath, the monkeys are minding the forest and Africans are whooping and squawking along the ruddy, muddy shores while 50-50’s edge grows ever closer. I scoop the waves with futility. . paddle left, paddle right, hold on, hold on and get down, I can’t hear his orders above the thunder! What’s he saying now? Strands of hair sticking to my cheeks, the warm comfort of tears just about to break loose, glancing at Michael for reassurance and realizing I am on my own, fearing I wouldn’t hold on tight enough, considering the the distance of the drop. . how rock formations could create such rapids . .wondering just how long I’ll stay underwater this time. Silverback was at least half an hour ago now, but the waves had thrashed me in a spin cycle for what felt like at least two minutes, but was probablyl more like 15 seconds. I was so scared. Out. Of. Breath. I am still so scared. “Be loose” Michael always tells me. Let your body roll with the water, with the boat, against an oar. Alarmed by the word “loose”, I check to make sure my helmet is still there. . .that my life jacket is snapped. . .that the rescue kayaks are still with us. But I am out of time. The falls are here. I try desperately to keep the taste of drama in my mouth so the fear won’t fill it up. I whisper my trio of mantras. . .that people did this every day, that everything would be okay, that somewhere. . .I can see it, there, between the waving seaweed of my own shores, is the rush of fear which I actually enjoy but I just. .can’t. . .quite. . .reach it. Then the boat goes horizontal and all I can see are the handles and my hands and my eyelids.

White water rafting.
In a thunderstorm.
Atop a Class Five Rapid
At the source of the Nile
In Uganda.

As Lawrence would say: Fuckin’ A, man. Fuckin’ A.

Donna, Steve & Stella

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Of course, we still managed to have a good time in Egypt. Especially once my parents, Steve and Donna, arrived.

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Me a Mom at the Dahab Hostel. . .

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Yes, the Dahab.
But we snagged an especially sweet spot with the retro-church-hall-charming kind of just-barely-above-ground bar culture which saves Egypt from itself, letting American University of Cairo students and tourists forget about. . .how many times they were cheated that day and how their landlord was trying to con them out of their deposit. When most drinking establishments shut down in the 1970s Islamist movement, a handful simply hung fluorescent strips from the ceiling and changed their names to “cafeterias” or “cafes” to remain in business. A relief from the cheese-lined Nile shore with its TGIFridays, corporate hotels, belly-dancing buffet cruises and overpriced prestige, Horreyas was Cairo’s best dive. It yawned with ceiling-high windows and filthy mirrors which blurred the crowd into a sexy out-of-focus photograph. Across dank yellow-walled room, singer sewing machine tables with marble tops sprouted Styrofoam plates of soft yellow butter beans and a garden of green bottles—it was the only way they tallied the bill. Achmed, the lone waiter, walked around triple fisted with Stellas, popping tops to the floor before you could say no.

That was where we could release a breath of relief from the streets of Cairo. And we did.

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The first days of Egypt. . .

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Every day in Dahab seemed a lot like the one before. Every morning brought flies, breezes, heat and cats. Michael went running. I read or did yoga. Every day, Shepl would deliver our meals. Every day, Mustafa and Waleed would wash another section of rugs, positioning the pillows like crayons in a box before late-rising guests would dump them out all over again. Every afternoon, as the sexy tide pulled up its sundress to expose bits of broken boat and surface-sliding jellyfish, the haze arrived, napping between Egypt and Saudi Arabia. That’s when dozens of flipper-fitted feet walked straight into that haze to float atop a zero-scaped ocean floor and Arabian nights would splash their hoofs through the water, promising a fairy tale ride. Every day, I worked on the Penguin’s website, rewriting the redundant English text so we could get 50% off our meals, making two full breakfasts of pancakes, eggs, cheese-toast and tea less than $3. I read The Thirteenth Tale. Michael read Where God Was Born. We finally finished Beirut to Jerusalem. Every day, we reviewed the Book of World Faiths I’d borrowed from a nearby hostel, landing on Buddhism and aspiring to the Eightfold Path. Every day, we said we’d move back into the Penguin from our shared apartment with Romi over the Internet cafe, where we paid $10/night for room and unlimited online access. Every day, we found ourselves in the room once again, opening the shutters, ignoring the lopsided bed, listening to our roommates Polish-Egyptian drama and facing the Red Sea.

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Every hour was happy hour. Sometimes with the Brit, Joe Berry, an aspiring author. Other times with Kent and Lauren, the Boulderites who lent us their Lonely Planet and reminded us how much we loved Colorado. But toward the end, it was with Ingie and Simon, the Norwegian couple who gave us the key to their downtown Cairo flat, a colonially-furnished clusterfuck with fifteen foot ceilings and an electrically unstable fridge full of beer. Venturing left or right down the coast always seemed an exhausting idea. We did go snorkeling once. Michael even dove. We barbequed on the beach with a couple Egyptians and drove out to a Bedouin oasis with a bunch of Dutch.

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One night, we strayed ten feet south to a difficult-to-pronounce restaurant. But the name doesn’t matter. Behind Michael was a coral-red-brocade backdrop. Sconces dripped cheap jewels on the wall, toy-chest-green clap boards covered the brick fireplace, our hibiscus tea glowed like Egyptian wine. Bouquets of garlic splayed above, like sepia toned roses. Red checks, in the spirit of Italy and America, covered the wood tableaux. Jars of olives with towels across their shoulders, like my grandmother’s kitchen when she was pickling. The beams of a pub and the antique lamps of Arabia.  Oh how I wanted it all to last. . . to stay there on my tongue forever.

That night, as we sat on our pillows, staring at the moon, I looked over and said: If we weren’t already married, I’d ask you right now.

What a glory.

A Little Like Homer

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Back in Turkey, many falafels ago, we learned that the Turkish word for “one” was “beer”. Nice and easy to remember. In fact, we learned the numbers 1-5 by inventing a bar conversation:
1.Beer?
2/Eke (yuck)
3.Ooch (ouch! don’t insult my drink)
4.Dirt (it tastes like dirt)
5.Besha (that’s bullshit)

The word for ‘beer’ in Turkish is “beer”.

When we arrived, we had plenty of misconceptions about the oppression of religion in this country. With prayers-calling five times a day and gaggles of headscarfed women, we figured most people were devout Muslims and that alcohol would be unavailable, cleavage would be kept covered and vodka ads would not resemble drunk Victoria’s Secret models (as they had in Bulgaria). The latter two turned out to be true. The former two not so much. The majority of the population in Western Turkey don’t attend mosque more than a couple times a year–your typical Christmas Easter crowd, while Efes and Tuborg are easily found at the local grocery and the average kebab restaurant.

However, here’s the rub. It’s tends to be the tourists who pop a top. When we were invited back to a flat by a couple of college kids in Eskeshihir, they served us Coke. Cool, thirty-something couchsurfing host Sezgin did not consider picking up beer or wine when we prepped for dinner. At the olive farm where we volunteered, wine was served with one dinner in 14 days.

But our night out in Antalya took the cake. When we went to an American-style bowling alley during three games (!) no (!) one (!) had (!) a (!) beer. Including us—it was brutal. At the beach park bar afterwards, the others sipped tonics while we split a conspicuous bottle.

Alcohol is simply less accepted. People were raised to get happy on nicotine and sugar instead of Schnapps.

On the ten minute drive home that night, couchsurfing host’s Fevy’s car was flagged down for a random breathalizer test. It all took about two minutes. The courteous policeman unwrapped what looked like a tampon applicator, attached it to a monitor and asked her to blow. To no one’s surprise, she blew a 0.0. I asked what would have happened if the result had been different. What was the law? What were the consequences? She didn’t know.

Luckily, we continued to find beer in the Middle East, even if our hostel occasionally outlawed it, liqour stores were well-hidden and non-transparent carrying bags were recommended.

But then we arrived in Dahab, where beer was once again in a snug koozie of celebration. Below is the minute-by-minute capturing of Michael and Stella (the Egyptian beer).

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Red (Wadi) Rum

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Michael just loves to take everything in one trip. . .

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I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you what we were looking at.

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Climbing the Rum dunes. . .

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem in the West Bank

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It all started with the Danes–Anders and Frederick. And Eric, too. It was definitely his fault. Somehow, in this land of criss-crossed (get it??) confusion, they’d both bumped into Tony, a gay, eccentric, Christian Palestinian hairdresser who loved to host foreigners.

So the day after late-night Guinness glasses to celebrate St. Pats (see here)

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. . .we went with them to Bethlehem, which by the way, means House of Bread. Just a little bit of trivia.

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We saw the Epcot Center-like market with its mandatory castles-and-cream stone, the posh University made possible by the United States, the grotto which supported some ridiculous story about Mary, a drop of milk and a miracle, and of course, the Church of the Nativity, with its almost rustic-looking barn-like rafters, endless hanging lanterns (not so unlike Lamps Plus) the five chapels (accommodating every Christian faith) and the now remarkably straw-free spot where baby Jesus was born. As we took our turn at viewing, a group of Koreans sang Silent Night in a circle. This was nice. And right then, if you squeezed your eyes and concentrated, listening to a psychopathic choir sing We Three Kinds, Oh Little Town of Bethlehem and Away in a Manger simultaneously in your head. . then maybe you could feel the novelty of it all—as if you were pressing your finger directly upon the navel of Christianity.

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But the day got infinitely more interesting when we spent time with Tony. There were teddy bears, color cut outs of Mozart and Elvis, hair dryers and silk flowers. See it live here:

Jerusalem Smiles & Skies

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Old City Hostel (Photo by Michael)

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St. Patrick’s Day in the New City (must party before Holy Week begins!)

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Us with friar-to-be-friend, Erik. He was our personal religious tutor that week.

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Moon rising on Jerusalem.

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From the balcony, where we could watch the zealots with glee.

The Cliff Hotel

The other day we realized that we’d hit hotel bottom here in Amman.

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Besides the piles of decade-old dirt in the corners, the obscene toilet, and the smelly blankets, its usually about 50 degrees in our room. To combat the cold, we’ve been sleeping together, in one very small bed to keep warm. Which would be a good idea, except that due to our two-inch thick, malformed mattress, it’s like sleeping in a bathtub, with both side at a 70 degree slope. The owner, gold-toothed Tony, with his cardigan, Palestinian symbolizing keyeffieh and New York baseball camp shuffles around with his father and another unidentified mustachioed man. Mealy but mellow and always acting as though he just smoked a doobie, Tony embodies flow. Which would be great if the whole place didn’t have such a nursing home feel to it. Or if he didn’t say it was okay to “ash on the floor”. Or if the alley its in didn’t include a bum hangout.

But here we are, at $10 a night in the Cliff hole hotel, boiling eggs, drinking Nescafe coffee, sleeping in our clothes and finding a sliver of sunlight to sit in as we start the day. And we’re still lovin’ this life, always ready to get on the road again, goin’ places that we’ve never been, seeing places that we’ll never see again. (We usually can’t wait) to get on the road again.

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(Graphic compliments of the graphic wizardess and new mother, Keri Smith at Wish Jar)

Willie Nelson. . . .Herman Hess, maybe mixing icons is a little like mixing metaphors. Just another rule I’m choosing to break.

We’re alive and doing fab. Please don’t anyone worry about a thing.